Worst Jokes Ever
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
What happens when you cross a cow and a redneck?
The redneck fucks the cow.
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
(Bob holds Deric's neck)
Deric: "Water, what are you doing?"
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.
See, I was always told puns are funny.
But I can see now they aren't punny.
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
McDonald's :)
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Fix the door, it's broken!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.
Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to fuck you.
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.