Worst Jokes Ever

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.

Doctor: I see your point!

[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Q: Why can't skeletons go to the dance?

A: He doesn't have the guts for it.

Stormtroopers, I guess they never miss, huh?

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

How did the Skeleton know it was gonna rain?

He read the weather forecast.

What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?

AIDS.

What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?

You get salmonella.

Dark jokes are like food, not everybody gets it.

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

"Wanna hear a construction joke?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait, I'm still working on it!"

Q: What did one atom say to the other?

A: I have my ion you.

Think like a proton and stay positive!

I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.