What is the skeleton's favorite instrument?
A xylophone.
Worst Jokes Ever
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
What's the difference between a blonde and your computer?
You don't want your computer to go down on you.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.
I am looking for Mike Roch.
So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight."
Her friend said "No, it's 666-3629."
Why does Sally have no friends? Because she is obese.
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes a very bad joke!
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
