Worst Jokes Ever

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."

A ball hit me in the vagina.

I air.

What's the difference between cancer and me?

My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.

Stephen Hawking died because he rolled too far from the outlet.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?

My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.

I like my women how I like my fridge.

In the kitchen.

How can you make a orphans hand bleed?

Real them to clap until there parent come home.

"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"

"Dave who?"

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!

What do you call a cow on steroids? A bull-y.

Corn flake.

Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?

Well, I just can't seem to put it down.

We don't have school shooters; we have special ed breeches.

What does a skeleton put on his roof?

Shin-gulls.

What runs faster than Stephen Hawking in his wheelchair?

His Internet.

What did Connor Lys Clark say to Karl Kassulke? "I love bridges!"

I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.