Worst Jokes Ever

I tell short people to reach for the stars.

They are always a bit short of reach.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Eggs don’t cum.

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)

What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?

A heartless killer.

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

They ordered Domino's and got "gets".

Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?

She washed up on the beach.

I don't get mitosis.

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

What cereal do I eat?

Captain Bolts.

I just had sex.

"Dumbest7" is my Xbox account. Hit me up.

I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.

How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.

I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!

Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?

Because there was no chemistry...