Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't vampires tell jokes right? All their jokes just SUCK.
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.
"What is your number?" "Hi."
What is yellow and can’t fly?
A school bus.
Do you know who invented paper?
Cai Lun!
“RIP” Cai Lun.
How does an apple fall from a tree?
I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house!
Knock knock?
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
The idiot chicken who just crossed the road!!!
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
DEEZ NUTS!
My friend told me an emo joke once, and I said, "Emo jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
What did one droplet say to the other?
"Water you thinking?"
Susie: Ling Ling, truth or dare?
Ling Ling: Truth.
Susie: What happened to Stacie's dog?
Ling Ling: Dare.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
A horse walked in a bar and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?"
No, "quarter quarter."
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.