Worst Jokes Ever

What did the fish say when he got to the dam?

"Dam water."

"Dam!"

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

What do boobs and toys have in common?

Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

Your mum lol teehee!

Why does the sky think it's so powerful?

Because it's always looking down on us.

Most of the jokes are trash.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!

Ya mum!

I'm supposed to put a joke here.

But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?

I'm sure you'll laugh.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.

"SpaStics on aplastic. Add me on ps4 SpaZZagaZZa54."

Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast.

Roses are red.

Grass is green.

I think of you sucking my peen.