Worst Jokes Ever
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”
What is yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To help Stephen Hawking cross!
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
David? Mitosis.
Julius Caesar is Roman? More like romaine (salad), and to make the best salad, you stab it 23 times until the Caesar salad, romaine salad, is fresh.
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?
Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
The cabinet had sleeping pills.
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
Bippity Boppity Bill Cosby!
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
What do cells always have on them?
A cell phone!