Worst Jokes Ever
(Bob holds Deric's neck)
Deric: "Water, what are you doing?"
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.
See, I was always told puns are funny.
But I can see now they aren't punny.
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
McDonald's :)
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Fix the door, it's broken!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.
Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to fuck you.
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia.
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
My dignity to live.
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.