Why is 6 afraid of 7? Seven ate nine!
Worst Jokes Ever
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Q: What is the hardest part to eat on a cabbage?
A: The wheelchair.
Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there?
Not Susie.
Anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus anus
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
I work at a tire shop.
I'm pretty tired.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Let's call this one a draw.
What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."
Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?
"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"
What is a cow's favorite dance move?
The milkshake.
