Worst Jokes Ever
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.
"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."
And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"
The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Stephen Hawking is as broke as his legs.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Person: Guess what?
Other person: What?
Person: Chicken butt!
59009 flip it backwards on your calculator... it = boobs!
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
Once the aliens was gonna have a party, they had to planet.