I exist.
Worst Jokes Ever
There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.
It's called "Unplugged!"
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Christianity.
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.
Don't trust atoms... They make up stuff.
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His left shoulder.
What goes with chips?
Not your cheese.
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
What place is Flo Rida from? Florida.
Who deleted my stuff??? Woooow, you racist just because I'm Hispanic?
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
What did Allan say to William, his sister, when he stepped on his toe? "OWWW Mitosis."
If Dusty's dad from Home Alone 2 was in NASA, how come he is not famous?
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
