Worst Jokes Ever
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
Why am I so sad?
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight(ate) nine.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
Why is 7 afraid of 8?
Because 8 ate 9, 10, 11!
Your bus is so short... the wheels touch.