Stephen Hawking died because he got hit by a RAM.
Worst Jokes Ever
Knock knock. Who's there? Crippling depression. Crippling depression who? Me.
What are the kids addicted to these days? Juulius Caesar (Juuls).
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Timmy has 5 apples.
His train is 7 minutes early.
Calculate the mass of the sun.
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
A blind comedian walks into a room, or did he? Dun, dun, dun!
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!