My syndrome is down, but my hopes are up.
Worst Jokes Ever
I forgot what lightning was. Then it struck me.
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
What do bitches say?
"FUCK ALL YA NASTY BITCHES!"
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it's extinct.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
Why did the person go to jail?
He committed a crime.
I used to hate facial hair,
but then it grew on me.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.