Worst Jokes Ever
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Q: You have problems, I think your disease is BOOFA.
Q: What boofa?
A: Boofa deez nuts in yo mouth!
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
Ahhhhhhhhhh, ma bored.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
"Hippity hoppity, don't abolish my property!"
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
God: “Steven, join us.”
Sees the staircase to Heaven.
Steven: “Ahh, fu-”
I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.