Worst Jokes Ever
What’s Stephen Hawkins favourite shampoo and conditioner?
Head and shoulders.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
Hola.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
What did the dirt say to the embers?
You look smoking hot.
If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
What's a duck's favorite drug?
Cwack.
If you're bored, hump Danny and fuck him. What is he, goons do fuck rock?
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Cause 7 ate 9!
Did you hear about the Mormons?
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
What was the first man made out of? Adams! (Atoms)
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
My dad left me.
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*