Worst Jokes Ever
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hair.
Hair who?
Hairhairhairhairhairhair!
Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Yeah, me too.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why did the pillow cross the road?
To get to a mattress store!
What’s a cow’s favorite piece of furniture?
The cowch (couch).
I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.
You are.
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.
Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?
A: Domi doesn't know!
Poopy pants! Ha! Got 'em! Use Code Fred_5001 in the Fortnite item shop.
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Why can't you buy an iPhone X?
It's too expensive.
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
What hangs low?
Balls.
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.