Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the Texas cow own its own dachshund?
The cowboy told it to "get along little doggie."
What do you call your son?
An mistake.
Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?
... she likes to rock and roll lol.
How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a child?
Hot Wheels.
The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.
It was tense!
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
Have you heard of bees? They're bee-utiful!
A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."
The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."
Aaron.
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
This will take a ton of time.
A skele-ton.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"
Who is better than Alabama?
CLEMSON TIGERS!