Worst Jokes Ever

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

Question: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

Answer: Because there was a... crack in it!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! :)

What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?

A heartless killer.

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

They ordered Domino's and got "gets".

Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?

She washed up on the beach.

I don't get mitosis.

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

What cereal do I eat?

Captain Bolts.

I just had sex.

What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.

"Dumbest7" is my Xbox account. Hit me up.

I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.

How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.

I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!

Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?

Because there was no chemistry...

Say:

"Eye"

Spell:

"Map"

Say:

"Ness"

Now say it fast!

Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.

Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.

What did the icicle say to the snow?

"Why do you have to be so soft?"