Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
Stephen Hawking couldn't drink anything.
He'd break if he did.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
Your life is the joke.
What is the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but their flag is a big plus!
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.
It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."
What goes "Ooooooo"?
A cow with no lips.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL
What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?