Worst Jokes Ever
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.
My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.
During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
Why am I so sad?
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"