Worst Jokes Ever
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
The winds of Uranus go on and off, so you could say the wind is broken.
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?
A: Because they don't have any parents.
Joe.
The real reason Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.
Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they hate the taste of their stupid clown wigs, makeup, and retarded shoes.
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
What happens when a pun isn’t funny?
It gets PUNished.
A handicapped person was making fun of me, so I walked away.
Q: What time does an Asian go to the dentist?
A: 2:30
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.