Worst Jokes Ever
How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
What do you call a group of masturbating cows?
Beef stroganoff.
Roses are black, violets are black.
I’m colorblind.
How does a tree get online? They log in.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.
I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
A retard walks into a bar.
Bartender: Hey, retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard!
Thank you for listening to joke, sincerely - Jokeman87848584
What do you call a man with rubber toes??
Roberto
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Gun. Gun who?
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.
What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?
S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Why did Johnny cry?
He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.
Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"
Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"
Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
Ines.