Worst Jokes Ever
At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.
How do cows say "oof?"
They say, "MOOf."
I had a dream about being forced to eat a huge marshmallow.
I woke up and my pillow was gone.
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
Your joke: you.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.
I mean, I don't see why not.
Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊
Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"
I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."
And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"
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What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
I punched you so hard that I'll call you "Droppy Pussy."
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Africa.