Worst Jokes Ever
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
Friend: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Short.
Me: Short who?
Friend: Short you!
Me: 🙁
Friend: 🤣
The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?
The dry bear.
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
My bird. PRETTY BIRD! PRETTY BIRD!
Others CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP!
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
Boy Scout...
- A kid who dressed like an idiot.
- An idiot who dressed like a kid.
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
Your life, ahhahaha!
King.
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
Roses are blue, violets are blue.
What? Ohh, shit!!!!!! I hate having dyslexia!
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
Your butt is bigger than Uranus!
What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?
Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?