Worst Jokes Ever
Bully: You are ugly.
Me: You are so fat, you are the Call of Duty map.
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?
A leaf.
Yo mama so ugly, she looked in the mirror and it broke.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
What's a bison's favorite gun?
A PP Bizon.
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
Why are supercars so super? Because it is superfast, lol.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.
Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I got too obsessed with hares.
I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.
Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.