Worst Jokes Ever

I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"

Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?

My friend: What?

Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

What talks high pitched and can't fly?

A gay man in Iran.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

I was going to go hunting but then I realized, schools are closed due to covid.

If you punch an orphan, they can't do anything; they can't tell their parents.

Why do midgets work at Tesco?

Because every little helps.

What did the traffic light say to the truck?

"Don't look, I'm about to change!"

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?

Once they're gone, they never come back.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."

I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.

What is black, white, and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"

The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.

Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.

Little Johnny: What are you doing?

Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.

Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Why can’t Asian people play baseball?

Why?

'Cause they ate the bat!

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

Doin (DYM 41).