Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"
Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
Yo momma's so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!
Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Why did the Orphan go to church?
To call someone father.
Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
Pool testing 123.
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
Let's make this post have the same likes and dislikes.
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
Hey woah man, and Alya how are you guys? Oh and hbu jk master? How is life right now? Is it hard? You wanna talk?