Worst Jokes Ever

What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?

Black matter leaves an impact.

what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?

Oppenheimer

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

I think God is cool with abortion.

After all, he did kill his only son.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?

It's the only way they’ll get love.

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity.

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?

Sells the wheelchair.

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

What's an old Japanese man's last words?

"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."