How do you get a squirrel down from a tree? You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

There are more than 2 genders

A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

  • lickalotofpuss

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them!

How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff…

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.

your mum gay LOL funny me

Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!

What does DNA stand for? National dyslexic assosiation

why don’t we wrestle bears?

the pain is un-bearable

Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

what’s the difference between your job and a dead hooker? your job still sucks

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”

Stephen hawking isn’t dead he’s just can’t walk to the shop and get new batteries 🙄

Who are the fastest readers?

911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.

Why are Mexicans so bad in the olympics? Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.

What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

zaine davis and stephen hawking fuck each others brains out

How u know if a comedian is high. Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.