Worst Jokes Ever
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.