Worst Jokes Ever
Why is it cold in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.
Me: Me.
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
What was so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
The bomb.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?
A: To shoot up the whole school.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.