Worst Jokes Ever
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."
Turns out Christopher was adopted.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.