Worst Jokes Ever
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.
Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.