Worst Jokes Ever

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

The three unwritten rules of life:

1. 2. 3.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"

God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."