Worst Jokes Ever
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
Dick.
A Muslim enters a building...
Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brian's, hahahahaha!
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.