Worst Jokes Ever
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.
What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.