Worst Jokes Ever
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and you're ready to fire.
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.
Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!
All these African jokes aren't funny when you are a lover of Africa, how are there still Africans alive? Y'all are racist and may God forgive you. You know we're rich with natural resources, that's why y'all come to steal from us. Shame on you all!
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."