Worst Jokes Ever
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
What show would have made Michael Jackson a superstar for television? To Catch a Predator, for obvious reasons.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?
R. Kelly.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
What’s the best kind of candy to offer at a Pride parade?
Skittles.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.