Worst Jokes Ever
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
Joe Mama so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
Why can't orphans go on school trips?
"Parents signature _________"
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?
You can hide your own Easter Eggs!
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled kids.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I asked a kid where their parents were...
Lol
Why can't homeless people be gay?
They don't have a closet to get out of.
I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.
What’s an orphan’s favorite snake, self raising flour?
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
What is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.