What's still together after all the sh*t they've been through? Your butt cheeks.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one.
Why is 6 scared of 7?
7 ate 9 and 10!
What has 30 legs but can't swim?
A bus full of children!
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
What's the hardest part about making vegetable stew?
Trying to get the wheelchair to fit into the pot.
What's the difference between a human and a potato? There is none, you can eat both.
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said, "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
French jab is ban French's backwards.
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
What do you call a gang of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
Don’t blame Bush; he is white. It couldn’t have been him.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
"Orphans get picked."
I give these jokes a 9/11.
Your forehead is so big I could sell advertising space by the mile on it.
