Worst Jokes Ever
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
I went to catch the fog this morning, I mist.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Minimalism is a scam created by Big Small to sell more less.
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
Steps to win a Nerf war:
Step 1. Take out Nerf bullets.
Step 2. Load hollow points.
Step 3. Win!
Drake has too much meat. Donate to the people in need.
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
What did Ahsan do?
Meow meow.
What did Jessiey do?
Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
What was so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
The bomb.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?
A: To shoot up the whole school.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”