Worst Jokes Ever
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
What do you call a Mexican with an m3?
A greaser.
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
Why can’t U.S.A or England play chess?
Because the U.S.A has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.
Why can’t English people play chess? They ain't got no queen.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They ain't got no home to run to.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
Credit to Burn in Hell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5a0jTc9S10
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
What does a sprinter eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!
Where do fruits go on vacation?
"Pear-is!"
"What did the zero say to the eight?"
"That belt looks good on you!"
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
"A satisfactory."
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.