Worst Jokes Ever
69.
Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?
Everywhere.
What's the square root of 2001?
9/11
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?
Morgan.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C!
"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had "no-body" to go with.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.