Worst Jokes Ever
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Are you getting tired of life? Yes? Then call 180 go fuck yourself.
It's not our problem.com That's 180 go fuck yourself it's not our problem.com
I looked at you, and you were bald until I got slapped up by Will Smith to the back of your head and saw the Great Wall of China.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
Because no one misses them.
How ironic is this?! I was playing Jenga before the first plane hit the Twin Towers.
I bought my sister a trampoline. She sat in her wheelchair and cried.
Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."
What is the difference between Chinese and Japanese?
Some smile, others beam.
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"
What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive topic.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."