We jokes

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.

We really should erect a statue of the guy who killed Hitler.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.

We're taking the orphans to the movies. We are watching Spiderman: No Way Home.

I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.

Abortion is beautiful. I wish we could all be aborted.

We gotta keep it goin' ▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一.

Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."

Deez nuts, can we get much higher?

Boioioioing boioioioing, my name Jeff.

Arabic Nokia ringtone, bingchungus, wholesome 100, everyone liked that, Keanu Reeves chungus, Ugandan Knuckles, YouTube poop XDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.