What did Columbus use to cross the ocean?
He used a bus.
US Jokes
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
Why do orphans use iPhone X's?
Because they can't find home.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a good year and one's a great year.
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?
There is sperm on the computer screen.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
Yo mama so fat, NASA used her stomach to jump to Uranus in seconds.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.
Dear Hearing People,
We, deaf people, ain’t dead. We can use our hands to talk, eat & fist your face to give you some 💡 awareness that we can understand you 💯 meanwhile we laugh at you 🤡 We can even dance via vibration through music.
Do you know the song w lyric like this 👇 *white b.... accent: Ohhh.. MY God BECKY.. L👀k at her butt. IT is SO BIG. *BIG BEAT DROP* I...LIKE...BIG...BUTT...I cannot LIE 👻 I promise we ain’t ghosting around - Brittany Rose.
What do birds use to check their grades?
Air-ies...
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public?
because the french government was using the guillotine in public on newborn baby boys for circumcision.
Why do doctors use so much lipstick?
Because they love cos-medics!
What shampoo does Stephen Hawkings use?
Head & Shoulders.
