Turn jokes
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
What did the mincrater do when his Xbox turns off?
He raged! 😱
Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
My owl turned 180 today.
He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
Hey, I asked for a paper, but I thought it was a cut, but it turns out it was tearable.
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.
How do you turn the Roman numeral IX (9) to a six?
Add the "S."
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.