New Trys Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

What's the hardest part about making vegetable stew? Trying to get the wheelchair to fit into the pot.

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim and they had no life jackets. Doo Da suddenly started yelling, " I got one boys! '' as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way to large for him to get onto the boat and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock, but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da. Upon arriving at her house, they did rock paper scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell, again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, " I've been trying to call Doo Da and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, " We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we morn Doo Da today.''

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion.

I’m a god, and I’m here to flex on you bitches. My flight to New York on September 11th was rocky but I lived. Imagine dying on a plane, fr. At least try and respawn:/

Bro plz block Kimberly Jones she keeps trying to scam ppl

I photo bombed someones selfie and then they yelled "Why would you do that i was trying to take a family photo!"

Yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah I gave her everything She took my heart and left me lonely I think broken heart's contagious I won't fix, I'd rather weep I'm lost then I'm found But it's torture bein' in love I love when you're around But I fuckin' hate when you leave Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics , It should be a piece of cake !

The moment when you throw the nut away ans try to eat the shell.

Hey guys, its Hailey here.

Ima start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake. We can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, You won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale the scale said I’m trying to get your weight not your phone number

I was a sit down comedian then i try to stand up I felled

I wished i stayed in the wheelchair.

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

"whats the wifi password" '121i362" "its not working' "what wifi are you trying to connect to" "the united airline" were in the world trade center tho

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.

"my friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat and what happens next is really weird"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""the tongue gets stuck were his throat and starts to guh-gugh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever Again..:/

I’m enyaw and I fancy my pe teacher she is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank I always watch her bc I am a creep I live at school under the stairs but I also try follow her home and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door