I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,
he is my only motivation for trying again.
your eyebrows and hairline is so far apart that when Dora the explorer went found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows the map couldn't even tell her.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”
try not to <3
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
Whats worse than 100 dead babies in a skip? The one thats still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
