New Trys Jokes - Page 19 - Worst Jokes Ever

So I thought about trying to eat a clock one day. After about 13 tries, I realised this was very time consuming

When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.

My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.

Did you hear the race of the tomato and lettuce? Well the lettuce was winning and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.

Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.

Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.

I finally got my wife to shut up.

Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!

That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.

Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.

He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

Hey, math:

I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."

A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."

Try to make a joke, but not about yourself.

Well, I have nothing.

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.

In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.

The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.

The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.