Trade jokes
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
What did the butcher say to the pig?
Nice to meat you.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
How do you make a plumber sad?
You kill his family.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
Joke 1) 9/11 was such a tragedy... Two drunk people drove a plane into a building.
Joke 2) If 6-2=4, why are there no more towers?
Joke 3) Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
Why can't Americans trade with other countries? We lost the trading center!
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".