The jokes
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
What's the difference between women and men?
Men have rights.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.
Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.
Oh well, that's politics.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!