The jokes
A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
What kinda pizza did the Twin Towers order?
Two plains.
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.
I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D
Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?
He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?
Asked when will they do up the cars!
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.
Why did the ocean wave?
It wanted to say "Hi Tide."
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
What's harder than titanium? Michael Jackson at the playground.
Learn math the easiest way from Pendu.
Multiplying any number by 0 is 0 itself.
Hint: Multiplying any number by Pendu's G/A in 2022 is 0 itself.
The answer is 0.
I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.