The jokes
There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
Feed the hungry with the hungry. It solves world hunger and overpopulation at once!
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!
Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!
Playing hide and seek with Helen Keller wasn’t the best idea you’ve had all day.
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?
Because momma never raised no pussy.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places?
They got offered the family plan.
Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.
They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...
What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.